Never Change (Or How Yearbooks Lie)

 Dear Friend,

The end of the year rolls around and there it is- the pile of yearbooks that are stacked neatly by the future graphic artists and poets. You get your copy and begin to sign your heartfelt notes that you hope will stay with these people forever. You begin to get to the end of the page and sign "Never Change!" for extra measure. But though you mean for that to be a very kind compliment, could you imagine if indeed we did that? If we really never did change? Strive for change? Work on ourselves? What a sad existence that would be!

Let's do an exercise for a minute (don't worry- it's mental.. no need to get up! ) and think of your top three people you admire. Got them in your head? They will not be people who remained stagnant or didn't work on themselves. They may not have had huge lives that changed the world, but I can guarantee you they are people who have continually worked on themselves. 

Recently I was confronted with some truth bombs from someone who loves me most in the world, some I didn't like and some that I couldn't help but nod my head to. Yes, I still have a long journey (a never ending one) of becoming better. I'm learning that my responses to such truths could be handled better and with grace.. not something I have perfected yet. But unlike in high school where I couldn't imagine ever saying anything but half truths in yearbooks, I know that betterment is a gift. We are told that we are loved and worthy and kind and good, hopefully very often! (As I am sure you are!) You are though, as well, a work in progress. That gives me comfort instead of stress though, knowing this journey is long and never ending. I know that as I continue to learn and grow that I will be molded into the person that hopefully one day will be on someone's top three list. 

I know that high school Summer would be proud of the woman I am becoming. 

Cheers, dears! 

- Your Nomad

Not That Young Anymore

Friend,
There comes a time in one's life when you look around and see that you are no longer young. My experience wasn't a profound one, but Adam and I were just sitting on the couch discussing whatever came to mind, when our age came up. 27. Adam then pointed out that we are no longer in our "young twenties", but rather heading into the age of- wait for it- late twenties. Now, I know that I already have some of you rolling your eyes- Land sakes! 27 is STILL young! You could still have a good 50 years or so left of your life etc etc. But, without knowing it, Adam spoke a thought into my head that I couldn't shake. ( Poor man, a lot of the time  he doesn't realize that a simple sentence he says takes my thought process to a spiral of thought- don't you wish you married me? ;) ) We aren't young anymore. Come, join me in my thought for a minute, will you? Being young has a lot of perks. You make a mistake, "Oh, everyone at this age makes a few." Being young gives you freedom to be more wild, more unstable, more restless, more selfish. 
When does that young state of mind end? When is it not socially allowed to be this way anymore? 

Real talk- when do I have to step up and be that person that puts others first in my life? When do I have to settle into service, grace and love? 

I have a choice, daily, to live my life as if I have others to fall back on. I have a choice, daily, to live my life as if I will always have more time to do those things that I should do. I have a choice, daily, to ignore what it is that I am called to do with my passions, my dreams,  my legacy. 
If there is anything that this pandemic has taught me is that our time here on earth is short. Not to get preachy but WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Let's get up and lets get running. We have had time now to reflect and sit and watch the Netflix shows that have taken up hours of our time. Now, we must rise. 

So often I see people that are wasting their talents. Yep, I said it. They are wasting what they are genuinely good at because they can't schedule, they can't make the time, they can't decide on what to focus on. I am so guilty of doing this! I know that I should make that call, or plan that event, or make more effort with a friend. That passion will dull after awhile, your age will creep forward, your free time will be taken up. There truly is no time like the present. I love seeing people that are living their passions, showing their kindness, being present. It's inspiring, exciting and yet calming. You know that they aren't waiting for the best time to get started, it doesn't matter about their age- they just go and do. I don't want to waste a minute! I want to be intentional with the time that I have- right here and right now. Together, we can move forward with whatever it is that makes our hearts soar. 

Recently I was talking to a friend who loves doing photography (who has two kids at home,  mind you) that told me that she is going to be intentional with taking a picture daily of her life. Inspiring! 
My mom, who works a full time job and truly has little time on her hands still makes time to craft things that she loves for herself and others. Inspiring! 
Another lady I know managed people in her church to help a woman who came out of surgery to take meals to her in the next few weeks to ease her stress. Inspiring! 
Another friend uses the time she has rocking her baby to sleep to make beautiful sketches of other people. Inspiring!
My mother-in-law, who has a full house of people and runs her home,  has been using her Facebook statuses daily in this pandemic as a way to encourage people with words of wisdom. Inspiring!
The list can go on and on....

These are a few people who, at different ages and stages are using there talents now. That are putting in the effort and the extra work to make something beautiful of their time that they have. When we stop believing the lie of tomorrow or later, we can become the people we are meant to be right now. 

You are worthy of doing great things today,

Your Nomad

The Quiet of Quarantine

Hello Friend,
I have been struggling to sit and write for awhile, because it's been hard to get my head wrapped around these times. Gone are the days of busy schedules, meetings, quickly made meals and falling asleep to a long list of what the next day holds. I woke up this morning and chatted with Adam before he headed off to work, drinking our coffee slowly. (Ok, I drank mine slowly, Adam laps me when it comes to beverage drinking) He kisses me goodbye while I'm making our bed. I straighten the last corner and breathe in slowly. Now what?
My first two weeks (three weeks? I'm not sure at this point) were of me accomplishing THE LIST. Closets were cleaned, rooms better organized, meals prepared in advance. Though these things were making me happy and something that I could share with Adam when he got home to me pulling back a door and doing a swooping VOILA! And Adam ooohing and ahhing kindly for a minute or so, I had a lump in my chest when it was over. Was I doing something wrong? I began to send lists of things that I wanted to accomplish in the day to friends for accountability. I was checking things off, ignoring the silence of what my apartment could hold.
One day I cracked a bit. I admitted to a friend that I couldn't get my list of 10+ things done that I wanted to in a day. I was disappointed in myself. Wise as she is, she laughed slightly and said, "Sum, do you think that maybe the lists aren't what you are supposed to be doing? Yes, getting these things done are well and good but maybe you are supposed to take this time to reset?"
Ping! Went the light bulb. I was forcing myself to be productive, to be seen, to be important in my own eyes, where I have been given this gift of calm and meditation. Busyness was my crutch so that I didn't have to do some proper introspection.
I have, and maybe you have as well, this season of pulling back and considering what it is that God is asking from us, from me. Howard Hendricks says some profound words when he notes, "You can't help anyone else until you understand yourself." This time, though hard and scary and weird, is time where I can work towards betterment. This is the time now to reflect on relationships, dreams, goals. Where am I lacking? Who can I help right now? I want to be lead by God by a humble and quiet spirit, one that I can take the time to cultivate right now with His help. In this time I have seen people share, and use resources and tap into creativity, and it's beautiful. I've been blessed by phone calls, drop offs, prayers. When this is all over and we look back on the quarantine times I want to have cleared some space for betterment and wisdom in my life. I will have had a few more rooms clean and made some nice meals, but in the end we only have slivers of time before we are old and grey thinking on these things.
As I sit here in the quiet of the apartment, hearing the hum of the fridge and snores of my cat Meadow, I'm glad for the friend that set me straight. The future is unsure, but right now the purpose of the quiet makes for a calm day.

Please let me know if you want a chat or need anything. We are together in this, truly. 

Your Nomad, 

Summer

"To each is given the manifestation of the spirit for the common good. "

1 Corinthians 12:7

Running after Confidence

Dear Friend,

As a new year is upon us and, as new years seem to do, the reflection on what happened in this last year lingers in my mind. There are moments, however, that always seem to stand out more than others and this one sums up the year.
It came out of upset and anger that these words were spoken, quickly and loud. "You just need more self-confidence!" I, the receiver of the words felt like a hot coal had been thrown down my back. I was restless for days. My inner dialog went something like this; "I am not lacking in confidence! Am I? And if so, why?"
Then it began to spiral. I had all the reasons of why my confidence was lacking! For days my thoughts were on that:

I wasn't good enough,
 I hadn't done enough,
it had been a hard year,
my body hadn't morphed into  supermodel looks yet.

 On and on the spiraling continued. I knew that what I was thinking was damaging, but it was like I was in a fog and the fog and I were becoming friends.  I caught myself going to the running track and, as a dramatic soul, turning on my most emotional playlist. When the words spoken to you are honest, those words hit you like a ton of bricks. Around and around I went, anger and hurt seeping out of my pours, my steps heavy, my hurt like an open wound. There were two other ladies jogging and talking and as I huffed, they stole glances at my face as we went around and around and around. Then, as I was walking, a little voice whispered in my head, "What if you ran?" Pfft! What if I ran? Not me! The perky jogging ladies will see! I'm not good enough, I'm not equipped! I continued at a walk.  Then the voice got stronger, "Run, now. Run for your confidence." I stubbornly kept my pace.  "If not now, when?"  My steps quickened, my heart raced, my music swelled. (it didn't, but, my life is a movie in my head  and it felt like it did) And ladies, I ran. Not a cute jog over to the beach lounger, I ran. I'm sure I looked hilarious as I sprinted around the track. I was pumping my arms, I was breathing hard and I was running after what I needed, what I had lost- my confidence. I ran and ran and ran. I passed the jogging ladies and startled one as I passed. I continued as tears streamed down my face, I pushed on as my lungs started to hurt, as my laces became untied and finally, I stopped.  Now knowing that I ran after what was rightfully mine and in turn taking it back for myself.
I walked off that running track changed. Walking past people as I went on to continue my life knowing that this was a very significant moment. No one else understood what I just did, and to others it wasn't significant,  but this isn't their struggle or their path. It doesn't matter.  That day I physically reached out for the emotional and spiritual well being of myself. It wasn't comfortable, it wasn't easy, but I showed up for myself.

 Now, how are you holding yourself back? Are there truths you have been told or discovered about yourself that you are pushing down in attempts to hide? Let's put them out in the open and let them breathe! Let's get upset about where we are and where we want to be! Let's seriously band together and encourage each other to be our best selves! Let's go and seek counsel from people who know us and love us and determine what it is that needs to change!
I'm ready, are you? What are you going to run after this year? 2020 is your year, this is not going to be easy, but nothing ever is when it comes to bettering yourself.

I believe in you and I believe in myself.
Love,

Your sweaty hippie