Big Dreams Can Be Yellow Houses

Dear Friend,
I have been doing a lot of goal setting, introspection, and reading a lot of self-help books as of late. I recently stumbled across a book called, "Girl, Stop Apologizing" by Rachel Hollis and instinctively snatched it up. In my head I was saying, "Girrrrlll, I'm Canadian! That's what I do!" , but began to read and (though there are some things I don't agree with) began to love what she was saying. If you want something, stop thinking so much about it and get going. There! You don't even need to read the book! ;) There is a part of the book that asks you to define your ten dreams that you have for your overarching ONE GOAL. Now, you best be knowing that I was there with my notebook ready and rearing to go! Imagine me with my messy high bun and crazy eyes as I hunched over this little notebook as I began to form my "Who do I want to be in ten years" note. Before I even began putting pen to paper, however, I had a flashback to a part of my childhood I would like to reference.

Mr. Lima was my 7th grade art teacher who was cool and funny. I was living in Brazil at this time and being an outcast in my class and still learning Portuguese, art became therapy. You dont have to speak in art class, you are allowed to be as moody as you want in art class, and if people don't understand your work, well, that means you are a true artist. I remember one specific day where Mr. Lima told us to get large pieces of white paper and draw our dream houses. Whatever our hearts desired, and then we would present our pictures at the end of the week. I, taking all assignments seriously, took the rest of the class to think of what I would want. The end of the week came and we were all to present our homes. I still remember the feeling I had when others got up and had drawn mansions with tide pools and gold plated doors. There were waterfalls in the living rooms, there were gumball machines in bedrooms and there was no room for want! I was mortified. I did the assignment wrong! It was my turn to present and my hands were sweaty. My crush was at the back of the class looking with anticipation as to what I had  to show. (His house had a huge basketball court in it-- our love was never meant to be) I hold up my picture and squeaked out, "Uhm, here is my yellow house." I looked over to my cool art teacher and he looked a little baffled. Clearly noting my distress he asked, "So, Summer, take your time and describe your house to us." A simple picture, with a yellow house on the right side with flowers in flower beds in front. A dirt road that led to the house and a big yard where I had drawn my pug and horses in the distance in the  neighbor's yard with a fence. (I knew that I liked horses but didn't want to have to take care of them) "This is, uhm, my dream house. I uhm, know it's simple (glancing at Crush at the moment and his face shows confusion- I. am.dead.) but it is in the country and I can grow a garden and have a dog." The class was silent until Mr. Lima said, "Is that all you have? This is your dream house?" I mumbled something inaudible and sat down wanting to throw my paper away right then and there with tears being blinked away.

What I wish I could have said was, "Yeah, Mr. Lima! This is my dream house! I love it and took lots of time to think of what my dream house would be and I am proud of my house and my dreams!" I think there was a reason why my flashback was a negative one where others didn't see my dreams. That was a moment where I was showing a part of me and the reaction was negative. How true is that for all of us? I am sure what we have felt at some point like our dreams and goals are seen as not good enough. But, in the long run, it doesn't matter what your Mr. Lima says, does it? It doesn't matter that your basketball loving Crush doesn't get it either, does it? No, it may feel like those people's opinions matter but they don't. We all have dreams and we all have big goals! Most likely there will be people that will be confused but you don't have to explain it to them. The people that you share those thoughts with should be supportive and excited for you and help you on your journey! I have a friend who sends me houses that one day I would like to live in! I love that she sees my goals and knows that it can be obtained.

After my That's-So-Raven moment of a flashback, I wrote my goals and dreams down, without worry or outside bias. I was specific and am now excited for the next ten years of me obtaining those goals! I hope that you too will be honest with your own self and the things that God has shown you to pursue. I'll tell you this- I still have that yellow house on my list!

Your Hippie,

Summer

It's Okay to Stay

Dear Friend,

We were in the car, my friend and I, just driving on a sunny day when the question was asked, "Do you really think you will stay on the Island forever?" I, not one to really take the time to contemplate, responded with a, "Of course!" and the conversation eased into another subject- but the question continued to rattle inside my head for the next few days. While out with another friend, doing another activity, she asked almost the same question, "Sum, do you feel like you and Adam will stay here for awhile?" My heart flipped. I felt a lot of feelings in that moment as I exclaimed, "Funny! **** just said the same thing to me just a few days ago!"
After I said my goodbyes to my friend, I sat in my living room and contemplated. Why did I dislike what I had just been asked? Why are my friends concerned that I'll be gone? Do I want to be here? Does Adam want to be here?

The thoughts invaded my head and I was letting my mind go to images of my childhood of packing boxes, teary goodbyes,  and the final look at our houses through our volvo car window. The relief I had that I had my two best friends with me wherever I went, sisters, who felt the unease and the stress that I did as well. (truly the best gifts my parents gave me were my sisters) I vowed to my twelve year old self that I would be back here, eventually to make a home. Now, however, I anticipate a move, a change, a calling elsewhere. There must be something wrong? I am a nomad am I not?

Friend, I have been projecting unease to my friends. I can't imagine ever STAYING anywhere. I laughingly told Husband that the idea of staying means a lot of work. That means, no burning bridges, that means long term friendships and responsibility I have never imagined in my life. It also means stability, community, and value. Things that I would combat with adventure, excitement and story in my former life. I am so very grateful for my life before, even proud of the fact that I have never stayed in one spot longer than four years. I have seen, been changed, and have a deeper understanding of the world now that I have been immersed in different cultures and lives.
But.
It is okay to stay.
As the seasons continue to change with my family, my mother moving, my sister and husband moving, I have the "itch" to go and I feel FOMO as they pack and go off on adventures. Fear of becoming boring or worse, losing my purpose along the way.
I related these thoughts to Husband and, like he always seem to do, he calmed my mind. He said, " We are happy, we are growing and we are learning. These are the things we should focus on."
Who knows what the future holds, we may have many more moves in us yet, but for now, staying is beautiful.
 My unease comes from the uncertain, but isn't uncertainty an adventure as well? Isn't creating home a worth while purpose? I believe so.

Now, join with me and together we will go and strive and continue to work on ourselves wherever our steps take us. My home is open for you to come in and stay awhile.

Your nomad no more?

Summer 

"To be happy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition, the end to which every enterprise and labour ends." -Samuel Johnson