Have you ever prayed a prayer that you wish you had never said to God? I have. I prayed months ago in Texas, (where the sun was shining and my life was on the dull side and I was volunteering at a dog pound kinda life) "Lord, I want to be Your hands and feet. Teach me the things that I haven't gotten yet with You. Stretch me to fit into the mold that only You have for me." That prayer was so very innocent, what could God ask me to do that I couldn't do with His help?
Shortly after this prayer I had a few phone/skype interviews with my employers. I hopped a plane etc etc! I was (and am) a full time nanny with a little too many Pinterest ideas for a baby that is only 8 months... ;) The days have gone quickly, and I remember repeating my prayer to God, but soon realizing indeed that this is my battlefield in which I need to be strong.
There was one day in particular where I was brought to the test. I was requested by my employer to wake up with the baby as the mother would be away for a meeting in Edmonton for the next day or so.
4:30 am-Gordon screams.
5:00 am- Gordon is asleep.
5:30-6:00 am- Gordon and I watch the Flintstones and cuddle until he sleeps.
7:00- Gordon is ready and rearing to go! (I on the other hand, look and feel like a train wreck.)
8:00-9:00 am- music class. (yes, folks, there is such a thing for 8 month olds)
10-11 am- quick nap for Gord, feed him lunch
12-2 om- swimming lessons! (yes, folks, there is swimming for 8 month olds too!)
3-4 pm- playdate with his baby friend Amelia. She decides that this is "tear up the house time", Gord decides this is "freak out because Amelia scares me!" time.
5:00-6:00 pm- Make dinner for family and babies. Amelia goes home
7:00 pm- Dinner is cold
7:30 pm- I get a call that the employers will be late-- they don't need dinner
8:00- 8:30 pm -bathe Gord, read story, and bedtime
8:30-9:00 pm- Clean up and employers come home. Their comments, "Did you do the floor today?" "Amelia's mom called... she said that Amelia's hands were purple. Why?" (I had made playdoh, but the dye had rubbed onto their hands)
I went to bed that night and was upset. "God, that was awful! I'm tired, I feel like I'm not measuring up as a nanny already. Why me? Why am I here? etc etc" Then it hits me. The prayer that I asked for. I asked for teaching. I'm learning a lot. I'm learning to serve without thank-you's and admiration. I'm learning that the long nights and loneliness that comes with it draws me to God. When dinners get cold and I must be patient with Gord and the family. When I mess up and feel like a bad nanny, He shows me how to better love, to to better take care of the sweet munchkin, to seek forgiveness. He is teaching me to work diligently when I am cleaning the bathroom or to laugh at messes. These are the things that I asked for, without knowing what they were going to be.
Have you prayed a prayer like mine? Though at times it has been hard, I'm glad I did.
I am reminded how weak I am. "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. " (2 Corinthians 12:9)
Your nomad,
Summer
