Too Honest For Blogging

Dear Friend,
It's been a few months of no speaking, and that is because I knew I was supposed to share this story but wasn't ready. To be completely honest I am not sure if I am ready now, but it's time. Being real and honest is hard, but we don't learn and grow from fake people and fake lives. We all, in our own way, are struggling with our own problems.

A few months back I was working as a cashier at my job  when a lady andsher cute little crew of kids come through the line. Frazzled and frustrated, she clearly was having trouble with her kids having them behave and "shh!". I was processing her items, and she was getting more and more tense. After the one child says, "Moooommm, can I get this?!" She jokingly says, "Want my kids?" Without thinking, I look her right in the eyes and without thinking I say, "Yes." I couldn't even laugh or joke with her. Instead I just stared back at her and robotically finished my job. I called a co-worker over and told her I wasn't well and dashed to the bathroom and cried.
Why cry because a lady was joking about giving away her babies to me? Because I ache to have children but dont have any. I ache so badly to be a mother but am not on my way of being one. I was so frustrated, so upset that this lady, (who truly was all innocence) that I wasn't her.
Now, let's backtrack. I have so many blessings. I know that I have it so so good. I just really, really want to be honest. It's hard to wait. It's hard not knowing what the future holds and it's frustrating being in limbo. I was complimented recently because Adam and I are "So financially responsible for not having children yet!" which later, that comment lead me to crying later with a conflicted heart..
I'm not sure that I, Summer Clark, will have have the blessing of birthing a  baby and that hurts my very soul. Now I know that God grants miracles, but it may not be.
So, why am I telling you this?
-To get past the lie that I have been telling myself that it doesnt hurt me.
-Because writing it out is therapeutic
-To remind us all that comments can uplift or degrade but there is no in between
and lastly to remember that we all have our own battles that are  going on.

I truly hope this encourages you to be honest with yourself about your struggles. Some struggles never really go away but they can be less full of hurt when we air them out on the line. We humans can struggle, but we don't have to struggle alone in our own bathroom stalls. We can be honest and real and realize that we aren't alone.
You, friend, help me not to feel alone in this. This isnt a cry for sympathy. It's a cry to band together in honesty. Will you pray for me? Will you let me know how I can too pray for you?

May you always feel loved,

Your Nomad

"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 

perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." 

-Romans 5:3-5

24 Things

Dear Friend,
In February I turned 24. I dont know if I am afraid of becoming older or if it's becoming more apparent to me that we as humans want to pass on the knowledge that we possess. I haven't had a long life or a degree in anything and you might not learn anything new, but I very much want to share things with you. So, without further explaination, here are 24 things I have learned in 24 years of living.

1. Separating your dark and light colours while you wash your clothes actually does make a positive difference in your clothing. (Adam, you may still not believe me, but the white shirts are whiter! )
2. Trying something and failing is still so much better than not trying at all.
3. The longer you wait for something the more value it has.
4. Your memories are important and should be remembered. Whether good or bad, they are what makes your story yours.
5. Seeing the good in other people is a gift. The longer you live, the harder it is to keep that innocence
6. There are few people in this world who will care and refresh you, but their impact carries on for the rest of your life.
7. Listening to other people is literally one of the smartest things you can do. You learn from their perspectives, views, and life that you haven't lived before.
8. Knowing your value is so so important. Not only does it teach others to respect you, it is a constant reminder of why you are here in the first place and why you respecting yourself allows you to be more selfless.
9. It is ok to walk away from bad relationships. This relates to friendships, boyfriends, etc etc. Some people aren't worth your time and aren't mature enough for you. Some people are taking advantage of your kindness and it isn't healthy.
10. Tidy room actually = tidy mind. (I know, right? My mom should be so proud of my maturity ;) )
11. Avocados are amazing. Seriously, always say yes to more avocado.
12. If you love something- own up to it! Love it so dearly and unashamedly that people see that you care for something deeply. Love moves people, love motivates, love impresses on our hearts.
13. Alone time is so so so important. Analyse situations alone. Pray alone. Breathe and be with your thoughts alone.Be comfortable with who you are when you are alone. You learn so much about yourself and can focus on what is important.
14. God is the only constant ever in your life.
15. On the same note, Christianity isnt the main goal. The main goal is to be Christ like, which is a whole lot more about being raw and real, struggling, and seeing Him work in you.
16.  Being polite is always necessary.
17. Keeping a diary is one of the most therapeutic things to have, and is wonderful in an argument. (can be used to tell friend that no, your conversation was indeed in February)
18. Don't mess your face when you have pimples. Its not pretty, folks.
19. If you have the opportunity to travel- always take it
20. Being an owner of a cat was one of the best decisions I have ever made. #catladyforlife

21. Being proactive in friendships isn't needy but rather a good quality to have.
22. Happy marriages are far and few in between and they need a lot of tlc
23. Reading is a lost art, but finding someone that reads books and loves to discuss books may be one of the best things ever..
24. Life isn't about you, and it never will be, which in its own right is quite refreshing.

Thanks for listening to my rambles, 

-

                                                                                                                                        -Your hippie.

Why We Must Care

Dear Friend,
I read Matthew 4 recently, which is the story of Jesus and how He was tempted by Satan. I honestly wasn't looking for any "new truths" as I am a product of Sunday school and such things to know the story well. What surprised me by this reading though was how the temptation of Jesus ended. In verse 11 it says, "Then the devil left him, and behold, angels came and were ministering to him. " I read it over a few times because though I did remember that particular part, I was so impressed by it this time. Jesus, holy and good, was comforted, was loved on, was praised from the angels after such a tiring experience such as his. What I love about it though is how this proves again how much God loves his children. Jesus, of all people, didn't need that kind of comfort but was given it without time in between because He cares for His  children, so so much.
Some circumstances are hard to deal with and it's so very hard to know what to say or do. Recently I was talking to a good friend of mine and telling her my struggles and my heart, my heart was burdened and she just listened and told me (in a way that only friends can) what I needed to do. Its humbling to be overwhelmed by the goodness of God and how He knows what you need to hear even if it is the hard stuff. I told my friend before hanging up the phone with her that she encouraged me more than she knew and that because of her taking the time to care for me I was able to see straight and keep on the track that I was desperately wanting to head towards but felt I fell short. My friend cared enough for me to give me the love and attention that I was seeking and, just like Jesus and the angels, I was thought of from God and she was used as an encouragement.
A co-worker and friend of mine alternatively had a family member become very ill and, as she confided in me, she was frustrated that others that were around her didn't seem to care. They weren't asking her how she was, she was obviously upset and the response was (generalized), "You come to work to work and then take your hurts home and deal with them at home." As she was telling me this I got upset, teary as I listened. How awful is it to feel alone, to have the world tell you that you don't matter and that your life isn't worth investing in. My co-worker ended up having to go home to Ontario as the family member died. When I heard this information, I was upset, not only for the hurting friend, but for the lack of empathy for their co-worker. I'm not blaming them for not having empathy, I was just sad that they didn't see how upsetting this was and that "putting yourself in someone else's shoes" was not going to happen. When she ended up coming back to work, we hugged, we talked,  we ignored the intercom to bring us back to work. Later she told me that by asking her how she was and being present she felt seen, noticed, acknowledged. To care is to realize that life isn't ever going to be about clocking in and out of a job. (even if your job is a passion of yours) We must care for people- if we aren't then what are we doing?! We must see that if we don't put other people's needs in front of our own then we can't say that we have anything better than the rest of them. As a Christian I hope people can see that I care, that I will be willing to stop and take the time for others. I know first hand how wonderful it is to be heard from a friend, who has no agenda  and just knows when to listen and have empathy. Jesus accepted the love and ministering in return that the angels gave him, and that too is a humbling and good reminder.

 All that to say that we can never ever underestimate why we must care for others and do it well. One of my fears is that I will notice later on in life that I should have taken the time for someone and I didn't because of my lack of caring. I know that there have been missed blessings, missed friendships, and missed learning from my own agendas, business, and lack of looking up.

Feeling convicted of trying harder, 

Your humbled Hippie

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. "

-Leo Buscaglia

From One Book Lover to Another...

Dear Friend,

This last year has gone SO. VERY. QUICKLY. 

One of my goals of this last  year was to read 53 books, one for every week of the year and I did it! I was (am) very proud of myself as I usually  fall off all the wagons I hop onto when it comes to new year resolutions.That being said, I read a lot of duds for books, but there are a select few that I would say are worth looking into.  If you know me at all, the excuse to talk about the books that I love  will come up in conversation anyway; so if you run into me and I start talking about books you can tell me to shut up and refer to this blog as me telling you books you should read. (Your welcome, btw).

Now, without further adieu, and in no particular order,

                           My Top 6 Books You Should Read According to Me 

(that I read in 2016)

1. The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett - Like many children's books I go into it with less expectation to learn, but to enjoy. This book, however, was beautifully written and had so many serious thoughts as well as endearing.

2. The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls- A book given to me by my brother-in-law, I had to read it right away and am so glad that I did. I ended up crying, laughing, and in shock as this woman tells her crazy life story in a memoir. Her life is a triumph because she lets herself move on and be better than what her life "could have been."

3.- Tolestoy and the Purple Chair by Nina Sankovitch- A true story about a woman who reads 365 books in a year while grieving her sister who has just died. This lady writes so well and becomes your close friend as you grieve and read her words of her love for books.

4. An Invisible Thread by Laura Schroff and Alex Tresniowshi- Another true story about a woman who is a sales execultive who meets an 11 year old boy who lives on the streets as a panhandler. This story is so vivid and sad, but has hope and truth in the words of a woman who had no idea what it meant to be a friend to a boy who needed love. 

5. The Girls by Emma Cline- A more graphic read as it is about a girl who joins a cult primarily because she hates what her life looks like and believes that love will be found in a group of women who seem to accept her. This book is sad, but so physiologically deep as you read, it haunted me for months after I read it. Again, it is quite graphic and as it is in a cult setting, it  goes through a lot of hardships that many cults are based around.

6. North of Normal by Cea Sunrise Person- The true story of one girl's escape from the late 1960's hippy movement as her family lives off the grid in Canada. This girl almost dies multiple times and truly sees life as many of us cant even imagine. Cea lives with her unusual family until she one day desides she cant anymore and as a teen leaves to become none other than what her mother and father would hate the most- becoming a model. This also has graphic content and I would suggest picking it up only if you believe that you will benefit from the story's truths. 

And there you have it folks! My 6 books that I 

would recommend that you pick up in 2017. May your year be 

full of adventure and fun and lots of good reading.

Your Nomad, 

Summer