I am innocent. Just remember that while I explain myself. It has been nine months since I have seen my family members in the flesh and if you know at all what that means to someone who loves her family members a whole lot, that is a long time. Okay. Here it is.
Gordon and I both love going to playgroup. He loves being with the other kids and getting all crusty and wet from playing with the sand and water stations that the teacher sets up for them. He loves babbling to his fellow "classmates"(I think that they are gossiping in their baby talk about their moms and nannies while we smile at them from the other side of the room... they are sneaky ya know) and today was no different. Chatty and happy, Gordon went around to the different stations being a good baby. I, however, had a freak out. Remember how I said that it had been nine months since I have seen my family? Well, today proved it when a mom yelled,
"Kilah! Don't touch that!"
Kilah? Where? My heart already was pounding. It isn't Kilah. It isn't Kilah. It isn't my sister! calm yourself. You live in GRANDE PRAIRIE, ALBERTA.....
And then I see her. Kilah. Beside the water station with a plastic horse in her hand. With a determined look on her face just like Kilah gets when she starts to win a game. I robotically hurry over and I start to chat with this little girl. I hear the moms begin to talk and one mom in particular saying, "Sharon, the nanny is over with your child." I didn't care. I wanted a moment with "my sister" and I was becoming a tad nutso. I tried to breathe and move on from the pounding in my chest. The chat was less than interesting, but it helped me realize that I was seriously missing my family. I later realized that her name wasn't Kilah after all but "Twilia"...how terribly awkward as the women in playgroup chatted loudly about my oddities.
I was officially homesick and that was just one indicator. I noted after the fact (okay, Adam noted first) that I was obsessing over Christmas presents. I had, for one person, bought four gifts. Anything that reminded me of the family member, it was bought without a second thought. I was overcompensating for my feelings. It was extremely bad for my cash flow and my mental health! After the return of a few gifts ,a good cry and the realization that my family members all have unique names, things are much better at playgroup. I still miss my family, but it's okay because I realized how big a blessing it is to have a family I want to spend time with.
To miss someone is such a beautiful thing because it reminds us how much we are blessed. Our hearts are supposed to ache so when they are full again, it's really full and you won't have to be unsure about it.
Well that's enough sap to scare ya! ;)
Love, your homesick hippy,
Summer
