Carly Rae Jepson, Fuzzy Socks and Gratitude Lists

Dear Friend,

I found myself saying a spew of words- all ungrateful, all condescending, all reflections of what my inner self had been feeling. Tired, run down, angry, and sad. All the emotions that where in my heart came bubbling over and as I said them to a friend, my heart whispered, "Oh, you should not have said that."

I reflected later, on my words-why did I say such things? Disturbed, I did what I normally do when I have a conundrum. I call my Mom. She is one of the best people to reflect with, because I never feel judged or stupid, just filled up and heard after talking to her.

I began to cry. I was ashamed. I had let my heart speak unkindness and my heart felt so very weak. I told her how lately all my life seemed to be was -work, school work, house work,friendships, sleep. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. I was angry at the words that were climbing out of my mouth, I had no gratitude left. I felt like there was no space in my day to do anything but something already pre-planned and I just was tired. What I hadn't been doing is taking time for alone time and gratitude. My mom, like most moms, knew exactly what to say-speaking those true words and challenging me to see the joy in the day that laid ahead.
So, I began my next day. My mom had suggested  reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voscamp and as I had a few minutes before work, I started to read. Gratitude, huh? Well, here it goes. 
By page two I felt the heaviness ease, I kept reading. Gratitude had seeped out of my heart and busyness and upset replaced it easily, it had veiled my heart from my hurts.I began to write down three things a day that I was grateful for, simple things, but things that spoke to my heart. The gratitude started slowly,
1. Laughs with the girls in night school
2.Cheesy movie with no plot
3. Finding an old note from when Adam and I were dating

Then it just began to flow...

4. Listening to four year old's talk about their favorite dinosaurs
5. Adam laughing with his friend when he plays an online game
6. Sister chats
7. Meadow's whiskers
8. earl grey tea
9. my pug mug
10. driving looking at Christmas lights

Some days were harder, my heart taunted me as I looked desperately for the good. "It wasn't such a lovely day was it, Sum?"  The hurts of the day jump to action, rerunning in my head. "Was there anything good today?" There always is. Small things, perhaps, but I refused to give up.
11.electricity
12.Carly Rae Jepson songs
13. fuzzy socks

Giggling to myself and thinking, "How ridiculous! Fuzzy socks?!" But my mood was lifted and my heart was still looking for the good.

Simple, but therapeutic. I began to write it out every night before bed and my sleep was full of rest. As this exercise was gaining momentum, I began to note that I was less critical of others, less stressed and generally more kind. I want to be on someone's gratitude list of the day. I want to be a good part of people's day.
We all go through slumps, some longer than others, some things need to be mourned and it takes time to be happy. I do believe though, that there is always something to be grateful for. To find the positive in the day is being brave and counter cultural. It's a way for me to consciously say that I believe that God is taking care of my needs, seeing my insignificant life and blessing it. That my days will not go by with anger and frustration and contempt on my lips, but rather joy, respect, and love.

When I believe I write out my blessings, I am allowing blessings to impact my life for the better. We, together, can be the good in our own days by allowing our hearts to dwell on the good.

Together we can be full of gratitude.

Tonight I'm grateful for my Christmas tree, the whistling sound of the tea kettle, and new  Christmas cards in the mail. 

Learning always,

Your Nomad

"The brave who focus on all the things good and all things beautiful and all things true,

even in the small, who give thanks for it and discover joy even in the here and now, they are the change agents who bring the fullest Light to all the world"

-pg. 58, One Thousand Gifts

Everyone Speaks Frozen - Tales of a Preschool Teacher

Hi Friends,
In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I thought I would tell you what I am thankful for this season as a teacher.

FROZEN.
Yes, I said it. "Let it Go" and talking snowmen are what I am grateful for today. I must be insane you say?
 Yes, indeed I am. But Disney, no matter the age, the gender, the race, speaks through children through out the times. I grew up on 101 Dalmations, Tazan and Beauty and the Beast. This generation is growing up with Frozen and Cars 1-15! (haha!)

Let me set the scene. There are three students that have recently come to school and speak minimal English. My co-worker and I were slightly stressed one morning when a parent dropped off their child and let us know that, "_____ doesn't speak any English! But should catch on quickly."
Uhm... ok. We got this.
Today was the breakthrough.  I am sitting amoungst the sweet non-speakers talking to them in a conversational way and all the sudden I hear- "Zet et gewww, Zett it gewwww!"
Huh?
I stop and smile at the student and repeat what she says, "Uhm, Zet et gew?"
She nods and holds her hands out in a stop position and sings, "Zet et gew, zet et gew badadadadada!"
I say, "Elsa?"
She freaks and screams, "FROZEN!"
I yell over to my co-worker- "Put a Frozen song on!" ( Sorry co-worker, you do put up with a lot sometimes! )
The song begins and all three kids begin to sing Let it Go and some of the other children around as well. It was such a sweet and special moment. We smiled at each other and had a treasured moment of connection as we sat there together.
I got asked the other day what it is like to work with such young children from the day to day and I replied- it's just so rewarding. Some moments aren't glamorous, (think spit, snot, poo) but multiple times a day I get to see the joy of children. How easily they are pleased and adaptable to their environments. You  are their friend solely because your favorite animal is a dinosaur.
I hope that this weekend you are thankful for the little wonderful things in your life along with the bigger things.

Tonight my heart is full.

Your Hippy 

Success at the Speed of Balance

Dear Friends,

There was the whole summer ahead of me. I was worried. Worried that I would get bored, dull, or worse, that I wouldn't want to go back to work.
This job, as a preschool teacher, has many perks, but one that I had forgotten was that my summer was completely free.
Now, if you know me at all you know that I am a classic list maker. I made myself an extensive list of all the things that needed to be done along with things that I should do every day, like make dinner and journal.
My summer started beautifully, with visiting my sisters, brother in law and Mom. The energy that one gets from being with "life givers" was the push that I wanted to go back and well, GET GOING.
No lazy time for me! Get busy, go! Maybe there was a tad bit of guilt as well,  as I was home and Adam was out doing some serious work- well I must be doing hard work as well!
So the list checking started.

1.  Mop the floors - check
2. Clean out all the closets- check
3. Etc 
4. Etc 
5. Etc 

I was working hard and the house was clean but there was an unease in my heart- was I doing this right? This, if this was a movie, would be when the music swells and the lightbulb moment occurs.  I am slower, however, than the duration of a movie and in this case it took noticing that by me working hard I still wasn't enjoying my summer as well. 

It's when I started to implement journaling, beach visits, baths, long chats with Adam, going out with friends, staying out late that I was truly relaxing. 

I live knowing that hard work is validation to who I am. I am proud of my work ethic, but I didn't realize that my list of chores was to validate the fact that I was on a break. It became apparent when I would check off my list that now I could go and take some time away. I couldn't just let myself enjoy the days. 

Until I heard this statement: 

" Success at the Speed of Balance" 

We don't have to suffer while living, we don't have to go go go! Life isn't a race, self care is so very important. Only when your own cup is full can we then go and give and love on other people. When I let go of my crazy list and guilt of my freedom I enjoyed and relaxed and loved on the people around me. I can't be the only one that feels like I may burst when I look at my calendar as all my evenings and weekends are booked? 

So, I went a step farther. I realized that I so enjoyed having free time to be and do and learn. So, recently I have cut out some activities that would be cutting into down time. I have also re-evaluated some friendships, and realized that it's ok to not pursue all people and to let go of the tight fist that I reassured myself was because "they needed me." To prioritize my lasting friendships, to take time with Adam, for family, to take time to be alone. 

I truly want to be the best version of me, and that version is not too busy to take time to become balanced and to be present. 

I may be pounding this one "aha" moment into my head multiple times this upcoming September, but I want to remember how good it feels to be refreshed and ready to begin again. 

I hope that you are taking some time away to breathe and give yourself some self care! I am now a firm believer in true rest.

 

Your much more relaxed hippie

"Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and striving after wind."

-Ecclesiastes 4:6 

Being a Brenda

Dear Friend,
How I've missed you! This last season has been a stretching one, one that I had to plow ahead alone for awhile, but I am back and hope to honestly tell my story in the future.

Speaking of seasons, some seasons are wonderful. You want to bottle up all the good that has happened and then go and give back some good to the world because your cup feels so full. This last season was not that season. It began with the information that my parents were divorcing, and the wall of security that I once thought I knew crumbled. I was in a daze and selfishly I needed to focus on me and my family. All seasons- though how painful- have silver linings. As I was quietly mourning the "death" of my family, I received God's love in the ways that I never expected. I was brought Brenda, who kindly wrote to me and told me that I could at any time call her to chat and that if I needed her she would be there. Some people say such words and it doesn't mean anything, "I'll come!" and then they flake out. I knew if I asked, Brenda would be there. There was a huge wave of relief! If I needed her, I could call on her. How often I wanted to pick up the phone and call someone- but who? And there she was! Just being a good friend, being considerate. It felt like I was holding my breath, and this lady pulled me up from the waves. Funny enough, I haven't known Brenda long, I haven't even seen her more than three times in my life. We met when I was still in high school as she came to speak at the church we attended and my family hosted her overnight. I was immediately drawn to her honest joy, her serious questions, her genuine interest in my family's lives. When she left we felt lighter- we all said to each other- "We love her!" How can you not love someone who cares so sincerely for you and the people you love most? The second time I saw her was for Adam's and my wedding. She took our pictures for our wedding and she injected joy like a fountain. When there was a pending hurricane outside with our outdoor wedding as we were getting ready; she calmly said "Girl, you are getting married to a wonderful man no matter the weather!" I mean! She was a support system even after she got bit by fire ants getting a picture of me and my bridesmaids. The third time I saw her was for my sister Kilah's wedding and it was as if she had always been in our lives. She's just a gem, I want everyone to have a Brenda in their lives.

It's so hard being in seasons of uncertainty! Of being scared, trying to conceptualize what life will look like, how to move on and take the lessons for later. It doesn't matter if it is a big change or small, it feels huge. A weight that cannot be moved. When people take the time out of their busy lives however, it is an amazing act of sacrifice. Brenda reminds me of how I should take the time to love others genuinely and completely. To be honest with others and in whatever season I am in and use that to grow. Brenda has had hard times, but she doesn't waver when it comes to caring. I want to be that way. I want to be there for you when you are in a valley or a happy hill. To look for opportunity to bless wherever I am! I'm inspired by this godly woman as she lives her life.

I'm grateful for this valley of a season, it's taught me more about my genuine need for Him and for people who uplift and support. May I remember the kindness I have been shown and pour it into other's lives!

In His arms,
Your Wavering Hippie.

"At the roots of the mountains. I went down to the land whose bars closed upon me forever; yet 

you brought up my life from the pit, O Lord my God."- Jonah 2:6