Carly Rae Jepson, Fuzzy Socks and Gratitude Lists

Dear Friend,

I found myself saying a spew of words- all ungrateful, all condescending, all reflections of what my inner self had been feeling. Tired, run down, angry, and sad. All the emotions that where in my heart came bubbling over and as I said them to a friend, my heart whispered, "Oh, you should not have said that."

I reflected later, on my words-why did I say such things? Disturbed, I did what I normally do when I have a conundrum. I call my Mom. She is one of the best people to reflect with, because I never feel judged or stupid, just filled up and heard after talking to her.

I began to cry. I was ashamed. I had let my heart speak unkindness and my heart felt so very weak. I told her how lately all my life seemed to be was -work, school work, house work,friendships, sleep. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. I was angry at the words that were climbing out of my mouth, I had no gratitude left. I felt like there was no space in my day to do anything but something already pre-planned and I just was tired. What I hadn't been doing is taking time for alone time and gratitude. My mom, like most moms, knew exactly what to say-speaking those true words and challenging me to see the joy in the day that laid ahead.
So, I began my next day. My mom had suggested  reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voscamp and as I had a few minutes before work, I started to read. Gratitude, huh? Well, here it goes. 
By page two I felt the heaviness ease, I kept reading. Gratitude had seeped out of my heart and busyness and upset replaced it easily, it had veiled my heart from my hurts.I began to write down three things a day that I was grateful for, simple things, but things that spoke to my heart. The gratitude started slowly,
1. Laughs with the girls in night school
2.Cheesy movie with no plot
3. Finding an old note from when Adam and I were dating

Then it just began to flow...

4. Listening to four year old's talk about their favorite dinosaurs
5. Adam laughing with his friend when he plays an online game
6. Sister chats
7. Meadow's whiskers
8. earl grey tea
9. my pug mug
10. driving looking at Christmas lights

Some days were harder, my heart taunted me as I looked desperately for the good. "It wasn't such a lovely day was it, Sum?"  The hurts of the day jump to action, rerunning in my head. "Was there anything good today?" There always is. Small things, perhaps, but I refused to give up.
11.electricity
12.Carly Rae Jepson songs
13. fuzzy socks

Giggling to myself and thinking, "How ridiculous! Fuzzy socks?!" But my mood was lifted and my heart was still looking for the good.

Simple, but therapeutic. I began to write it out every night before bed and my sleep was full of rest. As this exercise was gaining momentum, I began to note that I was less critical of others, less stressed and generally more kind. I want to be on someone's gratitude list of the day. I want to be a good part of people's day.
We all go through slumps, some longer than others, some things need to be mourned and it takes time to be happy. I do believe though, that there is always something to be grateful for. To find the positive in the day is being brave and counter cultural. It's a way for me to consciously say that I believe that God is taking care of my needs, seeing my insignificant life and blessing it. That my days will not go by with anger and frustration and contempt on my lips, but rather joy, respect, and love.

When I believe I write out my blessings, I am allowing blessings to impact my life for the better. We, together, can be the good in our own days by allowing our hearts to dwell on the good.

Together we can be full of gratitude.

Tonight I'm grateful for my Christmas tree, the whistling sound of the tea kettle, and new  Christmas cards in the mail. 

Learning always,

Your Nomad

"The brave who focus on all the things good and all things beautiful and all things true,

even in the small, who give thanks for it and discover joy even in the here and now, they are the change agents who bring the fullest Light to all the world"

-pg. 58, One Thousand Gifts